Posts

A call to radical self-love

"Live as if you liked yourself, and it may happen" Marge Piercy "The seven of pentacles" According to the societal standards of beauty, I am an abject failure. For years, I walked around, beating myself up in my head because of my fat body. Every day I looked in the mirror and was never satisfied. I obsessed about everything I ate, especially when eating in public. Unlike many fat women, I don't have any horror stories of ill-treatment from strangers, or potential romantic partners, or employers, but we know these exist for many, many obese men and women. When I look around me at women on television, in movies, in magazines, in advertisements, and in almost every representation, I see more benchmarks of beauty that I do not meet. That I will never meet -- not because I am slothful and uncaring -- but because they are meant to be unattainable. Long, thick, glossy hair. Wrinkle, blemish, and pore free. Perfectly proportioned body, boobs and booty. Cellulite

This is my life: Six Songs

Like so many of the “personality inventories” that roam the internet, this is one I saw in a magazine somewhere, I know not where, but it intrigued me enough to sit down and think about mine. Music has been a part of my life always – before I knew what it was, before I knew my own affinity for it, music and songs were there. “You Light Up My Life” Debbie Boone (1977) This is not the first song I remember; that would be John Denver’s “Country Roads” (1973? 74?) which I have a vivid memory of hearing (and maybe singing?) while playing on the floor at my grandparents’ house in Wellsboro, PA. “You Light Up My Life,” which was a monster hit, all over the radio, was the first song I remember deliberately trying to learn the words to, to sing the tune, and to understand the meaning. I remember sitting on the swing set in my parents’ backyard at the house on Irvine Place and singing the words over and over again until they were committed to memory. “Ode to Joy” Beethoven This th

The Christmas card I didn't send, 2014 edition

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I did not send Christmas cards this year. Parent and sibling exceptions. They got special cards. Oh, I purchased them -- boxes of adorable sparkly cards at Target -- and I already had some that I've squirreled away for future use in a box at home, along with a cute package of make-your-own cards as well (mostly all purchased at some after-Christmas rock-bottom sale price). Oh, and some nice free cards that came in the mail from some organization or other. I love getting cards, especially from friends and family, even those that are just pictures. I'm one of the last relics who also sends cards for birthdays and babies and sympathy and just because. Not many people reciprocate, but that's fine; I don't send cards in order to get more back. I like the old-fashioned and tactile nature of cards. This year, the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak, and I was totally exhausted from the semester's end and still needed to do Christmas shopping. Something had to

Letting go

"Sometimes the best way to hold onto something is to let it go" Unknown. (Yesterday's quote on my page-a-day calendar.) The season of Lent began yesterday, and I stumbled through the day, breaking almost all of my own rules by the end of the day. This year, I am endeavouring to be disciplined in my approach, yet still listening to the Spirit. To back up a hair, I've been on a self-improvement project since November of 2012. Like most projects, it's a long and complicated process with plenty of bumps and disasters along the way, and I am not even close to being done. I'm not putting an end-date to the project because I don't know what that end looks like. It's not just the weight I need to lose, it's also the need to be fat, the reliance on food for reward or comfort, and the building of an active life where there has been minimal activity in the past. It took me six months to not talk myself out of the gym at least once a week, calling in wit

Planes, trains and....buses?

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Yikes. Has it really been more than two weeks since we returned to Savannah on January 2, both of us sleep-deprived and hatching nasty respiratory junk (which we are both still fighting...ugh). Yes, it has. Well. Between sickness and getting ready for the new semester, which started this past week, and leaving this post on my tablet...things just got lost in the shuffle. Here's the final post I wrote on the trip, and I will write a new blog tomorrow (yes, I really will.)  Written 30 December 2013 The year grinds to a close and we are once again boarding a train, leaving behind the Twin Cities, the Mall of America, and the midwestern branch of the family. Last night, in the frenzy of stuffing all our things back into the bags (why is it that there's MORE each time I pack? Perhaps the Mall of America and the Sportsman's Guide have something to do with this phenomenon...must investigate further)....anyway, we get an email from the helpful people of Amtrak letting us kno

Eye candy

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Mid-day on December 23. Berry Ranch. Sunrise from the Empire Builder, heading east somewhere in MN (8:46 EST)   Sunrise from the Empire Builder, heading east...35 minutes later (9:20 EST) Sunrise from the Empire Builder, heading east....10 minutes later (9:33 EST) Looking out the back of the train Crossing the Mississippi River somewhere west of Minneapolis Steam from a factory west of Minneapolis

Reflections on a few days on the Montana/North Dakota border

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After our arrival on the 19th, it was dark by the time we reached our hotel in Syndey, MT, a small town graced by a few new stoplights since my last visit in 2007 (and a new grocery store or two as well). One of the best things about Sydney is Sunny's Restaurant, a charming and excellent breakfast/lunch place on one of the main corners in town. We ate there four times during our stay -- one day when my hubby was feeling crappy, they graciously served him oatmeal for lunch, while I chowed down on the absolute best hot roast beef sandwich I've ever had...with a side of real mashed potatoes. They are only open until 2 or 3, so you gotta get there early. Every waitress we had was pleasant and friendly, and the food was delicious. They were always hopping too. Steam rising from the sugar beet processing factory in Sydney, MT One of the side-effects of the Bakken boom is that many local businesses keep more limited hours and find it difficult to keep help. If you can go out a